Do you ever find yourself in a moment where you’re just so shocked by the sheer audacity of a persons actions? And you almost give in to your first instinct to go nuts.
I had a moment like this recently.
At this moment in my life, when I am working so hard to rebuild my physical and emotional health back to whatever my new normal is, imagine my surprise when one of the people who caused the most harm to me at work contacted me on social media; to publicly celebrate me for a recent success that I shared.
My first reaction was to explode. To respond to them with a very open and short reminder that I’m in this place because of their actions. Because they caused so much hurt and almost depleted my self-confidence. That they should be ashamed of themselves for having the gall to contact me at all.
But I know now, that this type of quick reaction will only set me back to a place I found myself in many months ago. I do not want to go back to that place and I definitely don’t want to give my power over to someone who means so little to me.
So I took that very important moment to pause and sit with my feelings for a while. To consider the situation and to put all of my dark thoughts into context. Yes, I feel angry. Yes, I feel hurt.
But you know what, perhaps it’s easier to think positive, happy thoughts. To take the message at face value and to thank the person for their good wishes. No matter the intent behind their message, I am capable of forgiveness. And I am capable of rising above to let it go.
If their message is genuine, and the person is trying to connect, knowing we need to rebuild bridges to move on, let’s do that.
If the person isn’t genuine, and this is a managerial tick box to make it appear they are supportive, they can hold that in their hearts, because it must be an ugly and heavy thing to carry. At the end of the day, what does it matter? And now, I find myself sitting with a thought going around my head…
Perhaps I should be thankful for all of this!
The last year or so has been a real learning curve for me. I have taught myself how to navigate the best and the worst of people. I have come to learn the meaning of true friendship. And I have developed a much healthier balance in my life. To let go of the things that, when you truly think about it, really don’t matter. And to focus more on the things that do matter. Friends, family, love and me!
I don’t think we focus enough on our own self-care. And for women, especially at a certain time in life, that is so vitally important. I’ve come to realise that unless I look after myself, I can’t possibly be there for the people I care most about.
Now that I have taken some time to focus on myself and what matters to me, I can begin to quieten my darker thoughts and turn them into light. To consider how I want to show up within myself moving forward. Positive, happy and kind.
I can even begin the thank the people in my life who’s dreadful actions and inactions, have led me to take a good long look at myself. This time gives me an opportunity to acknowledge what I’m thankful for.
- I acknowledge the few people around me in my professional life whose negativity and ignorance throughout the years have led me here. They helped me to consider how I want to show up to others.
- I acknowledge the bad behaviour that I have ignored over the years because I didn’t feel safe calling it out. I’m thankful that I have learnt never to put myself in that position again. Thanks to them, I now have the tools and strength to calmly, respectfully and openly challenge their bad behaviour with kindness in my heart.
- More importantly, I am so thankful that this new balance gives me the opportunity to refocus myself.
Work isn’t everything; family is. So I’m most thankful that I can now focus my time and efforts on the people around me that I love. I can do my job, which I will still take joy in, but I will absolutely not give everything to it.
My everything is refocused on my own happiness and joy.
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