As you may have guessed already, my name is not Lotus Kintsugi, and you will not find my photograph on my site. I want to start by apologising for the secrecy. Until I recover from my current situation and feel safe to share who I am, I’ll continue as Lotus.
Around a year ago, my life started to change and I found myself no longer able to control my reactions to situations around me. I used to be full of the most wonderful tact. I could find wonderful ways to respectfully challenge those around me and when I had my say, I felt happy to sit down and get on with things, knowing that I had tried my best. But something changed.
I can only put this down to perimenopause, as the moment I started feeling this way, I sought advice from the GP and started on my HRT journey, feeling much better in myself physically. But nothing prepared me for the emotional or psychological changes that were about to take place. I can no longer hide my true feelings in my facial features, and this is a big problem. And, I appear to have lost my signal from brain to mouth. When I think something, it comes out!
This would be fine if I were just speaking to my amazing, understanding family. But work is a different story. After a number of years working in a very large public sector organisation, I have had to take time off to recover from workplace trauma. And it’s all because I can no longer sit down, get on with my work, and watch whilst my colleagues and friends are ill treated.
Since taking time off, I have literally fallen apart. My career of over 20 years hangs in the balance, and I’m left seeking help from GP’s and counselling. And every step that I take to healing appears to start with the same word. By saying that one word, I am slowly but surely turning a dreadful situation into a positive.
“Perhaps”
I started by questioning myself- “perhaps it’s not just me”. And that got me wondering whether others are experiencing a similar journey. At a crossroads in their lives. Questioning everything. Feeling like they are going mad.
So it got me to thinking, why not share this journey and help other people who might be in the same place as me. Perhaps we will be able to reach out to each other and share our experiences. Perhaps by communicating and understanding, we can help use the Power of Perhaps to turn things around, just as I’m trying to do just now.
Do you want to come on this journey with me?