I’m very grateful for the passing of time and my ability to make a rational decision. I’m also very grateful to my husband who helped me to get here, as there were moments when I could have acted very irrationally.

Before I moved into this madopausal stage, I was a reasonable person who was too afraid to rock the boat and challenge work behaviour or decisions. I’ve always spoken up respectfully, and when I had my say, I would move on knowing I’d done my best. The moment I hit perimenopause, everything changed.

I looked back at all of the times that I had just let things go, and all of a sudden, I was filled with fury and so very ashamed of myself. So, when another delightful colleague at work treated me with total disrespect, I burst. It came at the worst time, when there was already unrest within the department. And because of my fury, I chose not to speak up respectfully, but to take it to the top.

The result of this was months of utter misery and the realisation that I am traumatised by the actions (and inactions) of a dreadful workplace. And in the red mist of the fury, I definitely did consider…

Perhaps I should just blow it all up.

But here we are! I didn’t blow it all up. I still have moments of regret that I didn’t. But I also have more moments of feeling grateful for taking a moment to think before I act. For being able to calmly (ok, not so calmly) listen to my wonderful hubby. To consider the wider implications of blowing it all up and how it would impact those around me that I love and respect.

This takes me to where I am now. Healing. Working my path back to better mental health with the help of therapy and a wonderful GP practice. Taking time for myself, to learn the resilience tools that will hopefully carry me forward to a new chapter. I’m not sure what that will look like, but I know that I do have to forgive and forget for the sake of my own health.

One person I can highly recommend, if any of you are at the brink of blowing it all up or heading down a difficult path, is Mel Robbins, especially her book ‘The Let Them Theory’. Mel has changed my whole mindset in so many aspects of my life, work included. The ability to say “so what, let them”! And then to move on with how you want to let yourself react is invaluable. Such a powerful tool and one that can free you from being knotted up in the fury from other people’s behaviour.

You can find out more about Mel Robbins on her website.

So if you do find yourself at a point of no return, please just take a day. Calm yourself, speak to someone. Write down those inner dialogues and have a think about how you want to react to the situation. It’s not always necessary to blow things up.

Yours in calmness.