I’m not sure about you, but for me, perimenopause has brought about a total shift in emotions. I’ve never been a very emotional person. In fact, I’ve always held a rather embarrassingly odd trait of laughing where others would cry (yes, I used to laugh at funerals).

The tears were one of the first signs that things were changing for me. I mean, I would literally start to cry uncontrollably watching someone else receive a gift. It’s that bad. And now that those floodgates are opened, I’m not sure they will ever close again.

The worst part about this change is trying to control my emotions at work. I despise myself each time I lose control in front of work colleagues, and it has happened a lot! I barely get by a week without having to switch my camera off because I’m struggling to compose myself. Or even worse, spending whole meetings in tears.

Added to this humility is the fact that I’ve lost any connection between my brain and my mouth. So my face tells the story of every single emotion I feel and whatever I think comes right on out.

As I’ve mentioned before, work is a very difficult place for me right now. I have witnessed some of the worst professional behaviour of my career, and even when speaking up about it revealed huge problems; you’ll just have to trust me that there is a very large bulge in the public sector carpet where everything is strategically hidden.

But here’s the thing. Without this change, I would never have spoken up. Without this change, I would have continued to sit by and actively participate in this culture. Because I now know and truly believe that being silent means I’m part of the problem. So perhaps it is good to show these emotions and to speak the truth.

Stepping away from work, my newfound emotions have also found me entirely falling apart in front of my family. I’m certain that whenever I see my children or my mum, they literally hold their breath for a few seconds to determine what kind of state I’m going to be in that day.

But again, here’s the thing. I don’t think I’ve ever been so close to my family. In fact, I think my madopausal floodgates have perhaps given them the freedom to let go of their own emotions in return. I talk to my family like I have never done before. I can be totally honest with them about my fears, emotions and hopes, and I know that they completely understand. And even better than this, my family now feel safe to open up about their fears, emotions and hopes, knowing that we are all in this together. I have had a few occasions where a visit finds us all in a group hug of complete understanding through whatever grief our troubles bring.