I’ve been on a difficult journey to reach the point I’m at right now. I’m a little broken, a little (ok, maybe a lot) mad, but trying to rebuild myself back to something that resembles my normal.

This journey has been full of anger, grief and pain. As a woman in her mid-forties, life seems to have taken a pivot. Where once, I was fully in control of my life, thoughts and actions. I had a clear purpose, a fantastic career, set goals, and I knew exactly how to deal with any given situation. I have literally lost it all.

In the space of six months, I can no longer hold my mouth. My face tells the story of every emotion or feeling that I have. It shows up like a giant cartoon caption above my head. Then I follow it up in quick succession with speaking out loud and clear whatever my internal monologue is thinking at that exact moment. My filter has literally gone.

This would be fine if I were only sharing my honest-to-goodness opinions with my loving family, who understand these recent changes. But when I speak up at work to ask why certain decisions are being made. Or when I tell my manager that the decisions the senior management team make are entirely against the values of the organisation, I was only ever going to end up in trouble.

I used to be great at this tact thing. I’d say my respectful piece and then sit quietly and get on with my job, knowing that I had tried my best to advocate for those around me who were not so confident as to speak up.

But not now… Oh no! Now I find myself on the brink of being totally excluded from the organisation, being absent from work due to crippling stress, and what I now know to be workplace trauma. And I’m about to lose a 20-year career, all because my mad menopausal mouth can’t stay shut. But I can’t stop thinking…

Perhaps it’s not just me!

So here I am. Sharing some of my thoughts and experiences to try and navigate myself out of, around, back in… who knows! To a place where I can feel a little more ‘normal’.

I’m not sure if I’m here to ask for help, to build a community, or to help others through similar situations. I’d love to think it’s a little bit of everything.

Fancy coming on this journey with me? Through the power of perhaps!